That's how I felt today when I was talking to some new friends in a gay group. They were funny and sweet and lovely and everything, but I was missing something...someone. I think I keep subconsciously looking for 'her'. That one person who is great to talk to. The one who's funny, fascninating, funny, smart, deep...who has somewhere to be in life...someone who is having a go at their dreams...someone I can relate to.
I'm not looking for a lover in her, more like a talking partner, a friend. Mind you...LOL...if she's all that and cute or sexy as well...I'm in deep deep trouble.
Of the people I talk with most now:
Gentle basically lets me talk. She doesn't like to debate or get 'meaty' so she sits there and nods while I have a good old vent. Don't get me wrong...a friend who can listen is a wonderful thing, but sometimes you need some ideas bounced back, you know? Some stimulation.
Crazy keeps edging towards insanity with every tick of the clock and I'm getting seriously confused and angry at the way she writes and talks. Sometimes it just plain doesn't make sense! She seems to be in some imaginary competition to insert as many big words as she can into every sentence. The only rule of this competition is that you must assemble the words in such a way as to make no fucking sense at all! This leaves the listener/reader with absolutely no bloody idea what the hell is going on...hence the anger part.
Then we have FTM. I'm sure he thinks the government is constantly watching him and he has become so paranoid that all of our conversations are truncated in various ways. Everything has to be abbreviated or given code names. This kinda puts a damp on the smooth transfer of thought and information.
I have to say at this point...I am glad I live in Australia.
Hmmm....so where was I? That's right...in this room, having a nice time, but left with a feeling of missing something...of being alone.
Maybe I should just settle with what I already have and not look for more...or is that attitude the beginning of apathy?
Shoots the Moon